Feelings of Betrayal
by dazzledeyes
Summary: Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck knew was that he never wanted to be without her again. Post season finale. CB. COMPLETE.
1. Impossible

**Title: **Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count: **Roughly 15,266

**Rating: **PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers: **All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary: **Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer: **All _Gossip Girl_ plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **Hey guys. This is my first ever full-length fan fiction I've started, so I'd really appreciate your comments and suggestions. I've completely the first three chapters of this story and outlined the rest, but I am open to any suggestions on how to make this better. I'm not sure if I'm portraying the characters correctly or not: you'll see that in this story Chuck seems more vulnerable and weaker, but that was necessary to the plot. This story is going to be mostly fluff, because it's fun, but I promise more drama in later chapters. I really have no idea if what I'm doing works for the story, though, so I'd love reviews. Love, love, love :) And excuse any mistakes I've made with grammar or if something doesn't make sense: obviously this story isn't beta'd yet, but if anyone would like to help with that, that would be awesome. Again, please review. I really want to know what you think.

* * *

_Hey, Upper East Siders. This summer's looking hotter than hot and it's hardly even started. But will the hotness come from kisses on the beach or kisses goodbye? Only time will tell for our favorite couple. Weren't **B** and **C** supposed to be in **Tuscany **about now, kissing and canoodling in couple-dom all over the city? Well, after their, dare-I-say-it, adorable kiss at a certain UES wedding, we'd certainly think so. But think again. **B** was spotted getting into the Bass's private jet, as planned, but not with **C**. A tall, handsome stranger seems to have caught her attention…at least for now. Same goes for **C**…he was spotted eying a mystery blonde in his family's new apartment. Is it the end for them? I think not. **B** is going to visit **S** and her new stepfamily in the **Hamptons** later this week, and word is that **C** will be there too. Looking forward to some steamy arguments from you two, **C** and **B**. Keep us occupied. And I'll keep you satisfied. With all the latest gossip, of course. **You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.**_

Blair Waldorf tossed her last few silky dresses, sweaters, and pairs of heels into her already overstuffed suitcase. She pushed it closed, tugging at the zipper until it finally moved. When the suitcase was zipped and her oversize purse was ready for the plane ride, Blair collapsed next to them on the silk comforter. She was tired: so, so tired. She felt as if she'd hardly slept the entire time she'd been in Tuscany, and she was partly right. Every night she'd toss and turn, closing her eyes after every startling movement, but then opening them for fear of the memories playing back at her.

Chuck. Chuck Bass. He was all she could think of, and honestly, she didn't know why. She didn't miss him. She couldn't miss him. He betrayed her over and over again, and when she finally gave him a real second chance, a shot to finally make it work, he had to stand her up. She assumed it was for another girl. It had to be for another girl. But _who_? And _why_? And most importantly, did he cheat on her? She thought he'd changed, she really had. She thought he was ready to focus on her and _only _her. She should have known she'd be wrong.

Blair closed her perfectly made up eyes, trying hard not to think. She wanted to think of anything, _anything_other than _him_. But it was hard. It felt as if there was a tape replaying in her head, a tape that was impossible to erase. She thought back to several months ago, in Chuck's limo, coming home from his club, Victrola.

_No, Blair, no, don't_. Blair squeezed her eyes shut tighter, trying to stop the pain that slowed her heart to a dull beat, the pain that made her whole body ache. But it was coming on, faster and faster, and she couldn't do anything to fix it.

"_You were…amazing…up there." Chuck's husky, charming voice sounded so smooth, like velvet, as he leaned across the seat towards her. Blair stared into his dark, piercing eyes, which at that moment looked warm and tired, like a little kid up past his bedtime. _

_Without thinking, she slid closer and closer to him. Leaning in, all she could smell was his spicy cologne. The smell was homey and oddly comforting; the same smell she'd smelled since Chuck started wearing the cologne in seventh grade. But never before had she smelled it like this, her mouth so close to his lips, his face right next to hers. His eyes were closed, and she slid hers shut as well. There was no hesitation from either of them as their lips touched._

_In that brief moment, Blair felt more electricity and adrenaline surge through her body than she'd ever felt before. She leaned closer, pressing herself against him. But Chuck pulled away. Blair looked at him dazedly, her eyes barely open, the electricity causing her heart to beat faster and faster. She was tired and drunk and so was he, and they both knew this was the wrong time and place. But it didn't stop them._

_Chuck's eyes only opened part of the way as he whispered, "Are you sure?" It was so unlike Chuck to ask that question that Blair just couldn't help herself. Looking deep into his eyes, she leaned in again and pressed her lips to his, pushing herself against him._

_The rest of the ride was a blur. Blair could only remember that familiar electricity from his kisses, his hands moving over her body, her hands on his chest. She remembered pleasure and pain, and remembered Chuck whispering to her, kissing it better. _

_It wasn't how it should have been, and it wasn't how Blair had ever imagined her first time. Her first time was supposed to have been with Nate, in a candlelit bedroom. His lips were the ones that were supposed to be kissing hers; his body was the one that she was supposed to be touching. That was why, the next morning, Blair made a vow to never think of that moment again; to pretend it never happened._

_It was impossible. _

Blair sat up from the bed, opening her eyes to find there were tears streaming from them. Here she was, crying like some pathetic, scorned girlfriend, when Chuck was probably off doing it with another girl. He had that reputation, after all. She'd been stupid to ever think he would change.

Besides, it had been partly her fault in the first place. She could have run to his apartment…no, scratch that, taken a taxi, or a town car, or something, and showed up at his door and demanded an explanation. But she hadn't, and she'd gotten on the plane with Ben, a guy she'd met when she was waiting for Chuck. He was good-looking, sure, and they'd had plenty of nice conversations on the way to Italy. He was a perfect gentleman, but he was no Chuck.

Blair wanted to lie down and close her eyes again. She was exhausted. But she wouldn't let herself. One memory was enough for today. Besides, she was off to the Hamptons to see Serena. She could relax there, and maybe she'd be so busy thinking about other things that Chuck wouldn't even cross her mind.

_Doubtful, **B**, very doubtful._

* * *

Chuck Bass sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He was nervous, depressed, tired, and hungry as hell. But he couldn't seem to get himself to move.

Reaching into his back pocket, Chuck pulled out his cell phone for what had to be the hundredth time that day. The screen was blank. No messages.

Chuck sighed, sliding his phone back into his pocket. He was such an ass. He didn't deserve a call from Blair. He didn't deserve a voicemail, or even a text. And it was all his fault.

He clenched his hands into fists, fighting the temptation to hit something. He'd never been a violent guy, but right about now, he really, really, really wanted to punch something. How could he have done that to Blair?

_Blair_. The girl he was in love with. The girl that he'd betrayed again and again. The girl he'd cheated on just a week ago with his family's _interior designer_, for God's fucking sake. He shouldn't have done it; he knew he shouldn't have. He knew it then, too. But his father's words…Chuck shuddered, thinking back to his speech in their new apartment, as Chuck was packing for his vacation to Tuscany with Blair.

Chuck remembered the conversation from start to finish. Every detail, everything he felt. How could he not? That was the moment that changed everything.

"_Polite…modest…" his dad, Bart Bass, was fawning over him, something that hadn't happened since he was a baby. Chuck tried not to show his happiness that his father finally approved, but it broke through, his wide, slightly crooked smile lighting up his face. "You really are growing up," Bart concluded, nodding._

"_Let's not get carried away." Chuck felt like laughing. Growing up? Never. "I plan on holding on to my youth for as long as possible."_

_Bart's face grew serious. "Sometimes that choice isn't up to you." _

"_That's the best thing about Blair. She knows me. Knows I'll never change." Chuck suddenly felt an overwhelming appreciation for Blair. She did know him. She knew him better than anyone else. He tried to keep his face composed, but on the inside all he could think of was Blair. _

"_Yeah…until you take her away to Europe in a private jet." Bart's face gradually grew harder and colder, back to his usual expression. Chuck smiled cockily, trying not to let his father's obvious disapproval get the better of him. "That is going to change everything," Bart continued. "But…that's a good thing, son."_

_Chuck was suddenly confused. His dark eyes stared at the floor, looking off into space, gazing at some unknown object. A little smile played at his lips, for he was still thinking of Blair. Her tiny, delicate body. Her soft curls. Her fiery brown eyes that were strangely similar to his. Blair, Blair, Blair. Blair._

_In the background, Bart was still speaking. "Having a real girlfriend will force you to think about responsibility. Sacrifice. Being faithful."_

_Chuck's eyes grew darker, so hard he could feel the change. He was confused. His eyebrows knit together, and his heart beat too fast. Where was this conversation going?_

"…_taking into account someone else's feelings. Not just your own." Chuck narrowed his eyes, trying not to worry._

"_Feelings." He sounded like a fucking asshole, he knew, but he couldn't stop the word from coming. His voice was softer than a whisper: hoarse and dry. It hurt to talk. To think. Why was his father doing this? _

"_All the partying…the women…" Bart shook his head slowly as he listed Chuck's various faults, all of which he'd heard too many times before. But then his father said something that surprised him. "You will come back from this summer a new man. Take my word for it." Bart squeezed him on the shoulder. Even through his button down and sweater, it still stung._

_Or maybe it was the pain of the realization. He was just going to let Blair down again. His father was right. He couldn't handle it. The last thing he wanted was to let Blair down, and that was exactly what was going to happen if he didn't do something. He didn't realize then that he was overlooking one little detail: how Blair would feel if he _did_ do something. _

"_Oh, I will." Chuck responded late to his father's words, his voice the same low whisper as before. He continued staring into space, and then _she _entered. All he remembered thinking was he had to do something, something to prove to himself, _and _his father, that nothing would ever change._

_As his parents left the room, Chuck turned slowly, picking up the bouquet of roses he'd bought for Blair, pulling one out, and tossing the rest into-_

"No!" Chuck shot upright and looked around. He realized he'd fallen asleep, and dreamed of that conversation with his father. "No…" Chuck murmured weakly. Chuck Bass? _Weak? _What was wrong with him? What was he becoming?

He stood up carefully and made his way over to a mirror. His face was pale and covered in a cold sweat, and his hair was messy. But what bothered him the most were his eyes. They seemed harder, colder, _meaner_ than they had a week ago.

Chuck turned away. For once in his life, he didn't want to look at himself. Lying down on his bed, he grabbed his iPod and stuck the headphones in his ears, turning up the volume until every thought should have been blasted out of his head.

But the one thing he couldn't shake was his father's words. _"You will come back from this summer a new man_." Chuck didn't want to be a new man. Couldn't he be himself and still be with the girl he loved? Or was that really, truly impossible, like his father had made it sound?

_Nothing's impossible, **C**. You just have to believe. Or...so they say. _

* * *

**Author's Note: **So, there's the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. It was a little hard to get things started, so I'm sorry for all the flashbacks, although I admit those were fun to write :) So leave comments on how you feel I portrayed the characters (or the ones that have appeared so far). I'm especially curious as to what you thought of my Gossip Girl voice. Her little sarcastic comments aren't exactly my strong point, but I had fun with them. So...enough rambling. I'll let you go now. Just remember...click that little purple button and...review :)


	2. Vulnerable

**Title:** Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count:** Roughly 15,266

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers:** All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary:** Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer: **All _Gossip Girl_ plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **I'm pretty proud of this chapter, although I kind of wrote it in a rush. I think the characters are pretty believable here, but it's probably the last time you're going to see that, because I don't think I portrayed them very well in the next couple chapters. I, personally, like it, but I don't know if other people will. So...yeah. I'll post those in the next couple days or so. R & R :)

* * *

"Blair! Blair, hey!" Serena van der Woodsen cried as she threw down the door and enveloped Blair in a hug. "I thought you weren't going to make it!"

Blair shook her head. "My flight got delayed, and it took forever to get the luggage…damn, I hate flying commercial." She dropped her bags onto the smooth floor in the oversized entryway and sighed, sitting on top of her suitcase.

"Well, you're here now, aren't you?" Serena started to pull Blair into another hug, but then stopped, examining her face closely. "My god, Blair, the circles under your eyes are huge! Are you okay?"

Blair felt like breaking down, curling up on the ground, telling her best friend everything. But she had to be strong. Holding back tears, she rubbed her eyes, only making them look even more red and sleepless. "I'm fine," she said quickly, standing up, smiling through the pain, fighting the tears that threatened to spill out.

Serena wasn't fooled for a second. "Did something happen with Chuck?" _Ugh, that horrible scumbag! I should have known he would have pulled something! _Even after everything Chuck had done for her in the past few months, Serena refused to accept the possibility that he might actually have a heart.

Blair took a deep breath. She had to tell her. It hurt too much not to. The pain was threatening to burst out again, and she didn't want to cry until she was somewhere private. She took another breath, this one longer and shaky.

"Blair, what is it?" Serena pleaded. She placed both of her hands on Blair's narrow shoulders and looked at her with puppy-dog eyes. "You can tell me anything."

Blair nodded, still shaky. She struggled to compose herself. _Blair! Pull yourself together! Why are you so upset over a _boy_? Let alone a scumbag like _Chuck Bass_? _

Another small voice crept into her head, spreading a mixture of guilt and relief through her body. _What if he didn't cheat on you? What if his father was just late, like he said? What if he really couldn't get a flight? I didn't answer any of his calls, I wouldn't, because after waiting miserably by the phone for two days in _Italy_, he still didn't call. He didn't call until the third day, and by then I was so angry and upset I wouldn't even allow myself to think his name! But what if he didn't cheat? What if he really didn't? _Her eyes narrowed. _Of course he did! It's _Chuck_! He'll get any girl in bed, whether it's cheating or not. And in this case, it definitely _is.

Blair's mind was clouded with thoughts as she debated on whether or not to tell Serena.

"BLAIR!" Serena's voice was urgent. Blair almost smiled at her expression. Serena was being completely impatient, as usual. "Just tell me!"

So she did.

* * *

_Chuck gently touched each jewel on her diamond necklace, the one _he'd _just given her. He was proud of that fact. Chuck Bass didn't buy jewelry for just any girl. But Blair was different. She was special._

_He traced his hand along the necklace, up to her collarbone. He felt his whole body tingle as he touched her cold, pale skin. It wasn't like him to be so gentle, either. But Blair looked so delicate, so vulnerable, sitting there in her fluffy party dress, her makeup streaked down her cheeks and her body shaking from all of the crying._

_As Chuck moved his hand back down towards the necklace, she caught it with hers. Their fingers entwined, and all Chuck knew was that he never ever wanted to be without her again. _

_Leaning in, he gently placed his head on top of her shoulder, kissing it lightly. She leaned in as well, so their foreheads touched. Chuck could see her tear-stained cheeks, smell her flowery perfume, and it turned him on, it definitely did, but in that moment, all he wanted to do was sit there and hold her. Be there for her. Promise her he'd never leave her again._

_The bedroom they were sitting in blurred, and there was a loud noise at the door. "CHARLES!" _

_Chuck turned and stared towards the door, but no one was there. _

"_CHARLES!" the voice was even louder this time, closer. Okay, whoever was doing that was a real asshole. Couldn't they see that there were two people having a…moment here? Chuck never thought he'd say it, but he wanted the bastard to go away so he could comfort Blair in private. And not in the way he would with any other girl._

_Suddenly, there was a jerking movement, and Chuck felt a sharp pain in the back of his head._

"CHARLES! How many times do I have to call you?" Bart came storming into Chuck's room, yanking up his blinds like an over-enthusiastic mother.

"Mmm…" Chuck slowly opened his eyes, the light from the windows stinging them as he realized that he'd just woken up, hit his head on the bedpost, and…he'd been dreaming about Blair. Again.

"You need to get up." Bart threw the comforter off him. Chuck just laid there, a mess in sweats and no shirt. Any other teenager would have been frightened by Bart's harsh voice, but he wasn't. Bart hardly ever even came _near _his room, so having him actually inside it was definitely groundbreaking.

"Why?" His head was throbbing; Chuck realized, and not just because he'd whacked it into a bedpost. His head hurt, his stomach was upset, his entire body was coated in a cold sweat…everything that happened when he dreamed of _her_. Blair.

"We're leaving for the Hamptons today. Don't tell me you forget that as well." Bart was already striding for the door, but he turned to finish yelling. "I assume you're not packed, but you need to be ready to leave in fifteen minutes. We're taking the jet, and it's leaving in a half hour. You'd better be ready." With that, Bart shut the door forcefully, leaving Chuck to lie in bed, practically drowning in his own misery.

A few minutes later, he struggled out of bed and grabbed some pants and a shirt out of a drawer. It wasn't like Chuck to be so careless, but he hadn't been acting like himself lately anyway.

He tried to smooth down the mess of sweaty hair from his forehead - he hadn't had time to shower - and threw some other clothes in a duffel bag.

"Charles! Five minutes!" The voice of his father startled him, and he sighed. The last place he wanted to go right now was the Hamptons. Sunny, warm, bright, filled with girls and kissing couples and his new step-family…Serena, Blair's best friend…he didn't need any more reminders of her, and what he'd messed up.

When he was about to head out the door, Chuck looked back and realized he'd left his phone on his bed. Walking over, he tried hard not to look at the screen. It was like an addiction. He didn't want to see it blank, know that Blair hadn't called. But he couldn't stop himself. He glanced down, and sure enough: no messages.

_Why don't I give it one last shot? _Chuck took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair, strangely nervous. He opened up his contact list and scrolled down until he found the name he wanted. Blair Waldorf. Hitting send, he heard the phone ring and ring and ring. Her voicemail picked up, just as it had every other time.

"Blair…" Chuck's voice sounded a lot weaker than usual, and he immediately regretted called her. He needed to hang up, before he lost his dignity. He considered hitting "end" right then and there, save a little bit of his reputation. But something m ade him keep going. "Blair…please. Just call me or something. Please." The words sounded strange coming off of his tongue. Less like his usual voice, more like a whisper. He'd never said please to anyone, especially not a girl. It made him feel vulnerable, and pretty fucking stupid. He was losing it. What the hell was he doing to himself?

* * *

"So, he never showed up?" Serena had stayed quiet through their whole talk, which was unlike her, but Blair relished the silence. It felt good to get it all out, to tell someone everything.

"Nope. He didn't." Blair shook her head and then tilted it back, willing herself to not let the tears fall.

"Did he call or anything? Have you heard from him?"

"Oh, he's called, all right. He's called every day. Sometimes twice, or three or four times. He leaves messages every time." Blair tried to roll her eyes, wanting to joke about how pathetic that was, but she just didn't have the heart. Or the energy.

"Have you listened to the messages? Why don't you call him? Make him explain?" Serena was still confused, even though Blair had explained everything to her what felt like a million times.

"Serena, you don't _get _it! He waited for days to call! It felt like forever to me, but he was probably in bed with some other girl then, and I bet he is right now, too! He's a cheating liar! He doesn't care! He never did…" Blair buried her head in her hands. She was being overly dramatic, this was far too much for a situation like this, but it still hurt, it did.

"Shhh…it's okay." Serena rubbed Blair's back until she calmed down. They just sat like that for a while, until Serena heard a beeping noise. "Blair, it's your phone."

Blair sat up, wiping her eyes with both hands. _One new voicemail_, the screen read. She flipped open the phone, checking caller ID. "Oh, no…" she moaned, falling back onto Serena's bed. _Chuck Bass_.

"It's Chuck?" Serena guessed immediately. Blair gave her a small half smile. She didn't give Serena enough credit; she really knew Blair well. Always had. "Aren't you going to listen?"

"No." Blair's voice was firm, and the look on her face would have caused anyone else to drop the subject immediately. But Serena wasn't just anyone.

"Goddamn it, Blair, you're going to have to speak with him eventually." Blair stiffened a little at her words; Serena hardly ever spoke strongly to anyone. But as much Serena hated Chuck, it was still hard for her to think of him sitting in his room alone, mind full with thoughts of Blair, wondering why she didn't call. It almost made her feel…_bad _for him. Which was why she grabbed the phone out of Blair's hands and opened it, going straight to Blair's voicemail.

"Serena! Stop! Don't do that!" Blair's voice was panicky. She was scared that Serena might make her listen to the message. She was scared to hear his voice. Scared to have to feel what she was feeling right now - pain and jealousy and sadness of betrayal - but stronger. His cheating should have been expected, really. But Chuck had been such a gentlemen to her. He had been forever.

"_Blair! Blair! Come play with me!" A five-year-old Chuck ran up to a five-year-old Blair, wearing shorts and a polo shirt, his dark hair combed wet, the warm sweat on his pale skin glistening in the sun. He looked positively angelic: tiny and perfect, with his chocolate brown eyes filled with excitement. He was amazing, but of course she didn't realize it then. _

"_No, Chuckles. I'm going to play with Nate." She'd always called him Chuckles. It was just her thing. Blair gazed across the playground with wistful eyes, where Nate and Serena were swinging on the swings. He was pushing her, and she looked radiant as she flew into the air, legs kicking and blonde hair flying. They were laughing._

_Blair stood up, determined, and made her way over to Nate, leaving Chuck to watch from the sidelines, a small smile on his face as he looked at her tiny, fragile body in a frilly sundress, her favorite blue headband with the lacy bow perched on top of her glossy chestnut curls. He wondered fleetingly if Nate knew Blair's favorite headbands like he did._

_Still all business, Blair tapped Nate on his cotton polo shirt-clad shoulder. "Natie, will you play with me?"_

"_No!" the little boy's face scowled at the possibility. "I'm playing with Serena." He continued to push her on the swings, ignoring an obviously upset Blair, who promptly started to cry, running to Chuck._

"_Chuckles, Nate doesn't want to play with me." Blair sat down next to Chuck, accidentally falling into his lap. The tears were streaming down her perfect, flushed pink cheeks. "He always just wants to play with Serena."_

"_It's okay, Blair. I'll always play with you." He smiled and put his arm around her. She held his other hand. He wiped her tears away. _

_Funny how familiar it all was. _

Coming out of her daydream, feeling the stinging pain in her chest of another memory, Blair looked at Serena, having forgotten she was listening to the message. Blair reached halfheartedly for the phone, but she didn't really care anymore, especially since Serena had obviously listened to it.

Serena's already tanned forehead was creased with worry as she listened to the message again. When it was over, she held the phone out to Blair. "Blair, just listen. Please?" She swallowed, not able to shake the sound of Chuck's voice out of her head. "He sounds horrible. Really sad and tired. I think you should call him."

Blair shook her head, reluctantly holding the phone to her ear. What she heard surprised her.

"_Blair, please. Just call me or something. Please."_

That was all he said. But that was all it took. Serena was right. His voice sounded sad and pathetic and alone, all rolled into one. Blair remembered Chuck's familiar snarl, the way his voice sounded like a combination of smooth and rough, and its softness like thick, heavy velvet when he spoke to her. Then she thought of the whispery way he'd talked on the phone. He sounded different. Like he was hurting. Like maybe he cared.

No. No, that was impossible. Chuck Bass didn't care about anything or anyone but himself. He must have been doing this as some ploy as usual. He was just trying to get her in bed. That was all it was to him.

All of a sudden, Serena slapped her hand to her mouth. "Oh my God. Oh my God."

"What?" Blair reached up her hands and massaged her temples. She wasn't really in the mood to deal with whatever Serena was about to throw on her.

Serena turned and looked at Blair, not wanting to say it. "Blair…Chuck and his father are coming here today. They're staying with us. It's supposed to be sort of a family thing. You know, 'bonding.'" Serena made air-quotes. Blair's mouth remained wide open. "But my mom said I could invite you. I never would have done it, though, if I thought, if I knew…Blair, I totally forgot. I'm so sorry."

Blair just looked at her friend in disbelief. Chuck _Bass_ was coming _here_? She was expecting to avoid a confrontation until she was back in the city, but this was just too soon. She wasn't ready.

_Don't be so worried, **B**. I don't think your "boyfriend" is quite ready to face the music yet either._

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know my Gossip Girl voice really sucked during this chapter (looking back at that last line...), but pshhh, whatever. lol. Please, please, please review and tell me what you like and don't like so I can have more or less of it in the future :) I've written 3 more chapters of this, and I think there'll be one or two more after that. So continue reviewing and everything. Thanks for your support so far, it means a lot! :)


	3. Scared

**Title:** Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count:** Roughly 15,266

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers:** All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary: **Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer:** All _Gossip Girl_ plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **Okay, well, this is probably one of the cheesiest chapters there will be, but I kind of like what I did with it. Please feel free to tell me if it sucked, though. I appreciate constructive criticism :)

* * *

The minute Bart and Chuck arrived in the Hamptons, a sleek black town car showed up to retrieve them. Chuck, not really wanting to ride alone with his father for fear of getting another lecture, told Bart he'd be back later and ambled down the street, hating how _quiet _it was around here. It just gave him more time to think, which was exactly what he wanted. Not.

The hot summer sun felt like it was baking through his shirt, burning his pale skin. He shaded his eyes, looking around for somewhere air-conditioned that wasn't a clothing store or one of those tacky antique places. As he turned the corner, he spotted a bar. Perfect.

It was almost empty inside; no one with sense drank at eleven-thirty in the morning, even if it _was _a Saturday. But Chuck didn't mind. He just wanted to be alone, to forget about everything.

"Scotch," he told the bartender firmly, practically daring the man to card him. He didn't, so Chuck mumbled the rest of his request, "On the rocks. And keep it coming."

The bartender nodded, obviously bored and tired. He poured Chuck a glass, and then after a moment just handed him the bottle, heading back behind the bar to do whatever bartenders did when they were off-duty.

Chuck sipped his drink, feeling no less miserable than he had a few minutes before. But maybe after another glass?

_Or three or four?_

* * *

"Blair!" Serena banged on the door to Blair's guest room. "Blair, come out here. You don't need to _hide_ from him! Why are you so scared?"

Blair pulled the duvet over her head to drown out Serena's voice. "I am not _scared_," she mumbled, even though she was.

"Blair! Ugh!" Blair heard a little bit of fumbling, and then a clicking noise in the door as Serena popped it open.

"What…? That was locked!" Blair was still hidden, but she could tell Serena was in the room.

"Unlucky for you, I know how to pick locks." Serena grinned, holding up a bobby pin from her hair. Blair groaned and snuggled further into her cave of silk and cotton. That was just _great_.

Serena yanked the duvet from Blair's hands, and pulled it off the bed. Blair laid in bed still, fully clothed, her curls messy and falling in her face.

"Listen, B, Bart just got here, and Chuck isn't with him. He's supposed to be, but I don't know if he's even coming. So, for God's sake, stop hiding! Let's go to beach or something."

Blair groaned. Serena's endless energy was exhausting. She was way too tired for the beach, or anything else for that matter. "Do you mind if I just rest?" Serena opened her mouth to protest, but Blair stopped her. "Serena, I'm not hiding, I swear. I'm just really tired."

Serena held up her hands. "Okay, okay, I surrender." She smiled at her friend. "Sleep for as long as you want. Dinner's going to be around seven, so if you're up by then, join us downstairs." She shut the door quietly, and Blair laid her head against her pillow, hoping she could close her eyes and not think of _Chuck _for once.

She hoped wrong.

* * *

Chuck finally left the bar around five, heading down the street, where he collapsed on a bench to call his family's driver. He wasn't even half as drunk as he'd expected, because not even halfway through the oversize bottle, he started feeling nauseous and had to stop before he threw up all over that lazy bartender. He'd _really _regret giving him the fucking scotch then. But Chuck wasn't sure if his upset stomach was from the alcohol, or because he'd been thinking about Blair. Again.

He'd stayed in the bar for over five hours, even though he hadn't been drinking, and he just kept sitting there as the seats around him filled and people began talking and laughing. He wasn't even aware of the many girls that had tried to get his attention over the afternoon. He'd just sat there, lonely, depressed, a lovesick boy at a bar alone, head in hands, wishing he'd never agreed to come on this fucking vacation in the first place.

Shaking it off, Chuck dialed the driver and told him to pick him up where he was. When the car arrived, Chuck climbed quickly into the backseat, dunking his head into the cool darkness of the vehicle and immediately putting up the screen between him and the driver. When Chuck Bass was miserable, he had to be miserable alone.

_Touché._

* * *

He was there. Blair knew from the second she heard the door open downstairs, and Serena's mother's ridiculously overjoyed greeting: _"Hello, Charles! Where have you _been_? Come inside, we've missed you!"_

God, no. Oh, God, no, no, no. Blair buried herself even further in bed, willing herself to go to sleep, to forget about all of this. But just like before, it was impossible.

Serena walked into the hallway when she heard her mother's greeting. Chuck was here. Now. And Blair was here. Now. She shook her head angrily. This was all her fault. Shaking her head again, Serena decided it was all for the best. They would have to talk eventually. Maybe it would be best to do it here, out of the constant scrutiny of their classmates, friends, and Gossip Girl.

"Hey, Chuck-" Serena stopped as she saw Chuck come through the door with his bags. Never before had she seem him look so tired, so defeated. There were circles under his eyes, almost bigger than the ones under Blair's, and the way he carried himself was almost completely different than when she'd last seen him a few weeks ago. He was less confident, more vulnerable. Helpless. Broken.

"Van der Woodsen." Chuck attempted his signature smirk. The attempt fell flat.

"Chuck…" Serena waited a minute, before she decided to just spit it out. "Blair's here."

"What?" Chuck sounded more exhausted than angry, which Serena was happy about, although she didn't like him looking so down.

"I invited her. I didn't even remember you guys were coming. I forgot. And…she told me what happened with you two…"

"Oh." Chuck dropped his stuff on the ground and sunk down next to it, looking up at her with his dark brown eyes. He looked like a little kid who'd just dropped his ice cream cone, only ten times worse. Sort of like he'd dropped ten cones.

"I'm sorry." Serena looked down at her bare feet. She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"It's fine." Chuck sighed. "I just…I don't know what to do."

Serena tried to hide her shock. Chuck Bass? _Confiding _in _her_? Wow, he really _was _upset.

"Well, I think you owe her an explanation." Serena walked down and sat down next to Chuck. "Chuck…what really happened…on that day?"

Chuck moaned and put his head in his hands. Serena immediately knew she shouldn't have asked. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Chuck looked up. "I did it. But I didn't mean to." His voice seemed strained, like he was fighting to get the words out.

Serena stared at him, confused. She knew he meant he'd cheated on Blair, but with _who_? And why? And how could you do that without _meaning _to?

"It was our parent's…interior…designer…" The words seemed so hard for him to get out, but Serena couldn't help herself, nonetheless.

"What the hell, Chuck?" She was angry, of course she was. Blair was her best friend! Who did he think he was, anyway?

"Just listen, van der Woodsen." Chuck's voice almost sounded like his usual deep, rough snarl, but he still wouldn't look at her.

Serena waited, rather impatiently. If he was going to go screwing around on her best friend, he'd better have a good reason _why_. But Chuck didn't say anything. "_What_?" she asked angrily. "Why did you _do_ it?" She waited a minute, before looking over at him to realize that he was fighting back tears. "Oh, God, Chuck, I'm sorry…"

"I'm scared." Chuck mumbled. Serena was shocked. Of all the things she had expected to come out of his mouth, that was the very last.

"Why? Blair isn't _that _bad." Serena tried to joke a little, but Chuck wouldn't lighten up. He couldn't.

"It's not her, it's…my dad. He gave me this lecture on commitment, and that I was going to come back from my trip with her 'a new man'…"

Serena nodded, knowing how that felt. Her mother had given her the same sort of speech when things between her and Dan Humphrey had begun to get serious.

"He talked about the responsibility, the sacrifice…" Chuck looked up at her. "I didn't think I could handle it. I told myself I had to do something to prove to myself, and my father, that I'd stay the same. I thought I was doing the right thing, I-"

"You thought you were doing the right _thing_?"

Chuck continued staring at the ground. "You know, Blair's been through a lot of stuff with Nate. I didn't want to hurt her even more. I wasn't thinking straight. I thought that by not going with her, I would be helping her. I thought it would be for the best. But…" he swallowed. "…But now I know I was wrong. I was so wrong. I ruined everything._ Everything_." His hands were curled into tight fists, so tight that his knuckles turned white.

Serena shook her head. "You still have a chance, if you explain."

"I just…" Chuck said for the second time in their conversation. "…Do you think my father's right? Will I change?" His pleading tone surprised Serena. She'd never heard Chuck ask anyone anything, and of all people, she hadn't expected it to be her. This was so strange; it was like she was in some kind of alternate universe or something. _The Twilight Zone: featuring Serena van der Woodsen and Chuck Bass_.

Serena thought about it for a while, carefully choosing her words before she answered. "People change, Chuck. You will too. But you don't have to change everything. It won't be a bad change. This change will be for the better. You won't have to give anything up." She paused. "Well, maybe except for the new-girl-every-night thing." Chuck laughed a little: dryly, tiredly. "You can still be yourself." She paused again. "And with the responsibility…you'll be fine. You were fine before."

Chuck looked at her, confused.

Serena smiled. "You think I don't know about all of the things you've done for her? When she broke up with Nate, when he didn't show up on her on her birthday…and every time before that? Chuck, Blair knows you. And you know Blair. And…and I think she really loves you."

"Really?" Chuck's face brightened a little. He looked happier than he had when he came in the door.

"Really." Serena felt a twinge of guilt, like she shouldn't be revealing Blair's secrets, but it was the truth. And Chuck needed to hear it.

"Okay." Chuck struggled to stand up, and Serena grabbed him by the arm.

"You haven't been drinking, have you?"

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Not much, van der Woodsen, don't worry." Serena almost laughed in relief. Chuck almost sounded like himself.

Serena let go of his arm. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" she asked, gentler this time.

"I'll be fine." Once again, Chuck's voice sounded lonely and far away. "I'm just scared," he repeated again, quieter this time, so quiet it was almost a whisper. Once again, Serena's mouth practically dropped open in shock, but she pulled herself together.

"Don't be. It'll all work out."

Chuck nodded as he grabbed his stuff and made his way up the stairs to his room. Serena looked after him, hardly believing that this was the same guy as before. She slowly shook her head. Chuck Bass: in love. She never thought she'd see the day.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay. That Serena/Chuck conversation was totally unrealistic, but I like Chuck's sweet side. What can I say? :) BTW, just to credit, the conversation was inspired by a conversation between Heath and Brandon in the _It Girl_ series (_Tempted_). I was trying to figure out how to do it, and then I read that and it gave me a good idea. Or so I thought. I don't know. Tell me what you think!


	4. Sick

**Title:** Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count:** Roughly 15,266

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers:** All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary:** Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer:** All _Gossip Girl_ plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! I'm baaack! I wasn't planning on updating until tomorrow, but Sharon (a.k.a. gleechild), has a birthday today and sooo I've decided to update for her! Sorry this chapter isn't exactly happy... :( But it's an update, right? Better chapters to come, I promise.

* * *

Blair had just climbed out of bed after a restless attempt at a nap when she heard a knock on her door. Assuming it was Serena, she shouted, "One minute!" and ran her fingers through her curls, straightening out her clothes and throwing the blankets back on top of her bed.

When Blair pulled open the door, though, it wasn't Serena standing outside her door. It was _him_. Chuck. She fleetingly thought that she should have put on some lipstick, or spent a little more time with her hair. But mostly all she felt was sick. Downright disgusted. Screwed over. And as much as she wanted him to take her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay, it just couldn't happen right now. So she just took to staring at him from the doorway.

Standing outside of Blair's summer bedroom door, Chuck suddenly felt extremely nervous. What was he thinking, showing right up to her door, like he hadn't just ditched on what was supposed to be their romantic week together, to have uncomfortable, awkward sex, but sex nonetheless, with his family's freaking _interior designer_? He couldn't even remember the girl's name. He hated himself.

"H-hi…" Chuck looked anywhere but in her eyes: down at the polished wood floor, at the door, at his shoes. Blair didn't speak, and he eventually looked up at her. She looked stunning, as usual, even in rumpled shorts and a tank top. Her lips were ruby red even without her usual lipstick, and her skin looked as smooth and soft as it had a week ago. He desperately wanted to tell her how incredible she looked, but he couldn't. He shouldn't.

Chuck looked closer and noticed a menacing glare in Blair's fiery brown eyes. It was a mask, though; there was something else as well. Behind her stare, Blair looked tired and broken. He just wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, make her feel better. But since they were barely on speaking terms, it probably wasn't a good idea.

"What?" Blair practically spat. "Why are you even _here_?"

"Here? As in…here, here?" Chuck gestured at the area around them, picking up his usual sarcasm almost instantly. It would be a good cover for what he was really feeling. It always was. "Or here, as in, at this house? Because it _is _my family's summer home, if you don't remember."

Oh, she remembered, all right. She remembered the endless summers that she and Chuck and Serena and Nate would come here and spend hours talking and laughing on the beach, then retreat to the house for dinner and to play truth or dare. Blair had had her first kiss in this house. It had been a dare. She'd been dared to kiss him. Kiss _Chuck_.

And although they were forced, at the time it had just felt so right, just like the other first he'd taken from her, on that cold November night. Her first kiss had been with him, and so had her first time...she never would have guessed they'd be standing here, now, a thick cloud of lies and anger and betrayal between them. First kisses, virginities, memories…they were hidden under the fog, a fog so thick she could barely breathe.

"You know what I'm talking about, Bass." Blair glowered at him. As hard as it was to kick him out, he had caused her a lot of sadness too. "I'm not in the mood for this." Chuck continued standing at her doorway, a pained expression on his face. "CHUCK! Get OUT!" she screamed, when really she knew the last thing she wanted him to do was leave.

Chuck only blinked. "Can I just _explain_, Blair?" He sounded exasperated, like her mother or father when they were upset with her. Which, in her mother's case, was often.

Blair looked at an imaginary watch on her wrist. "You have five minutes," she barked, grabbing his wrist and yanking him into the room before slamming the door. Neither of them would ever admit it, but the sudden touch had caused a familiar jolt of electricity to shoot up their arms, as their stomachs filled with the ever-present fluttering: butterflies, that unspoken feeling.

"Tick-tock," was all that Blair said as she stood there with her arms crossed.

Chuck could feel himself growing weaker under her glare, and he tried to make a joke to keep up appearances. He looked from Blair to the locked door and back to Blair again. "Now, that's more like it, Waldorf."

Blair stared at him. That damn smirk was playing at his lips, but if you looked closely behind it, there were circles under his eyes, his face was paler than usual, and he looked just plain weak: feeble, vulnerable, defenseless. She almost felt bad for torturing him, but still, he'd been horrible to her. _He deserves it_, she tried to convince herself. It didn't work.

Finally, Blair spoke. "Not your best, Bass. Now…if you're planning on explaining yourself, you'd better do it quickly, because you have exactly…" she paused, not knowing exactly, and then guessed "…three minutes."

The smile dropped from Chuck face. "Blair, I didn't mean to-"

"What, Chuck? What?" Blair knew she should at least give him a chance to explain, but she was just so angry. "Never show up to the vacation _you _planned? Not call for _days_? Not_ take_ my calls for _days_, so I had no idea what was going on or what happened?" She stopped for a second, and her voice dropped quieter, but it still had a dangerous edge. "Sleep with another girl?"

Chuck's face flushed red. He'd never been one to blush. Actually, he probably never even had before that moment. That moment was the most awkward and horrible moment he'd ever been through in his life. "I didn't…" his voice trailed off. Blair knew he was lying. "Well, I did…"

"Yeah. Yeah, you did." Blair's fists were curled, her perfect manicured nails practically stabbing her palms.

"But I can explain, Blair, I really can!" Chuck's voice cracked. He hated himself even more now. If she didn't forgive him, he didn't know _what _he would do.

"Go ahead. Give it your best shot." Blair was sarcastic now, and she again tapped her bare wrist, warning him about the time.

"I-I-I…" Chuck was at a loss for words for the first time in his life. Why couldn't he blurt it out, just explain? But it sounded so goddamn stupid. _I slept with someone else because I didn't want to _hurt _you_. It made no fucking sense, and he knew Blair wouldn't believe it for a second, even though it_ was_ true.

"Just like I thought!" Blair spat, really getting in his face and yelling at him. "I can't believe you! What a _liar_! 'Let's take it slow this time. Do it right'." She imitated his exact words from the wedding, after they'd kissed and made up…again. She'd thought this time would be for good. She'd thought that this time, he'd actually wanted _her _and _only _her. She'd thought that he'd changed. Her voice rose as she started screaming at him, angrier than she'd ever been at anyone in her life. Angrier than when she'd found out Nate had slept with Serena, angrier than with her mother when she'd picked Serena for her brand model instead of Blair. Angrier than with Serena for leaving for boarding school without telling her.

"I gave you a second chance, no, make that a third or _fourth _chance, and you blew it! Just like you did every other time! You weren't willing to put in the effort! Were all the things you said at the wedding true, or was it all just a _joke _to you?"

"Blair…" Chuck didn't know what was wrong with him. He was practically screaming inside. Just _open your mouth, Bass! _But he couldn't.

"I gave you so many chances, so many times you could make it all right, and you ruined it _every_ time. Just admit it, I mean nothing to you." Blair's voice was hard and cold and angry, and something inside of Chuck snapped.

"You know what, Waldorf? Do you know how many chances I've given _you_? Every time you were hurt, every time you needed someone, _I _was there. Maybe it meant nothing to you, but it did to me. And every time, you just went running back to Nathaniel like he was the one for you, like he was the one there for you all along, when really it was _me._"

Blair was speechless. She just stared at Chuck continued his rant.

"That night at Victrola. Remember that? Did that mean a goddamn thing to you? Because it meant so much to me, and the next day, you wanted to pretend it never fucking _happened_. Remember why? Because you wanted to run back to Nathaniel, just like always. That hurt, Blair, I'm not going to lie."

Chuck's voice raised a notch, and more words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"On your birthday, I was there for you when Nate wasn't, I was the one who stayed there with you all night as you cried over him, and I didn't say a thing. Then a few weeks later, I overhear you telling him you'll go to the fucking _ball_ with him, and I planned everything so that I would get to be with you in the end, just for _one _fucking dance."

His face was red, from embarrassment, from the yelling, from everything. He had no idea what he was doing, but he couldn't stop.

"And then you tell me I ruined all of it, and where do you go? Running back to Nate. _Nate_. You wanted _him _instead. I saw you two from the stairs, and _Blair_! You really know how break a guys heart, don't you? Because you _definitely _broke mine. And yet I gave you _another FUCKING chance_!" He stopped for breath, panting, not wanting to think or feel for fear of what he might do.

Blair's mouth was wide open. She opened and shut it, gaping like a dead fish. Her eyes were watering, and then the tears started. She took one long look at him, like she couldn't believe what he'd become, before running out of the room and slamming the door.

Chuck sat down heavily on Blair's bed. He couldn't believe himself either. It was all true, everything he said, but he'd never meant to sound so angry. And Blair didn't deserve it. Especially not now.

He suddenly felt horribly nauseous. What kind of a person _was _he? If he hated himself before, he _despised _himself now.

Feeling even sicker, Chuck covered his mouth with one hand, clutching his stomach and running to the bathroom just in time. He fell on his knees in front of the toilet, throwing up until it felt as if his entire body was empty, then slumped to the floor, putting his head in his hands and allowing himself to cry for the first time in years.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Tell me what you think. I don't know if I did it very well. But what can I say? It's hard to write about B and C yelling at each other :( R & R! Thanks for your recent reviews, they mean a lot!


	5. Alone

**Title:** Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count:** Roughly 15,266

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers:** All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary:** Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer:** All Gossip Girl plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **Here's chapter five! Just a warning...another unrealistic Serena/Chuck conversation is here! I'm not sure if I like this one or not, but I think their talks sort of keep the plot going. There's going to be a talk between Blair and Serena in the next chapter as well. Um...in this chapter Chuck is unrealistically vulnerable...ish...yeah. I don't think how I'm portraying him is at all realistic, but this is like my fantasy Chuck, so bear with me :) CB fluff might possibly be coming in the next few chapters! :) :) :) But I haven't even written past chapter 6 yet, so I don't know yet. lol. Enjoy!

* * *

_Feeling even sicker, Chuck covered his mouth with one hand, clutching his stomach and running to the bathroom just in time. He fell on his knees in front of the toilet, throwing up until it felt as if his entire body was empty, then slumped to the floor, putting his head in his hands and allowing himself to cry for the first time in years._

That was where Serena found him an hour later, still slumped on the floor, cheeks tear-streaked, dark eyes red-rimmed, and stomach churning uncomfortably every time he remembered the hurtful words he'd screamed at her, the way she'd looked at him, the way his heart had shattered into pieces right in that very moment.

"_Chuck_?" Serena's voice was disbelieving as she pushed open the door to see him sitting against the wall, quite obviously miserable and quite obviously alone. "What are you doing? Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"I don't know," Chuck said weakly, and it was the truth. He didn't know if he was sick or okay, or what he was doing. All he knew was that he'd hurt Blair so bad. So, so, bad. "My stomach isn't feeling so hot," he admitted, trying to stand up. His legs felt weak, and his knees buckled as he slid back to the ground.

"What happened?" Serena sat down next to him, and Chuck, again, tried to stand up. He just wanted to lie down, to get away from everything, this whole mess. But again, he failed, and he found himself sitting back on the floor next to Serena.

"Nothing happened." Chuck self-consciously swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to dry the tears before they gave him away.

Serena gave him a look. "Chuck, if nothing happened, you wouldn't be sitting here on the floor of _Blair's _bathroom, crying your eyes out. Chuck Bass doesn't cry."

Chuck flinched at her words. Chuck Bass _didn't _cry. Well, until now.

"Blair and I…we…I…" Chuck couldn't find the words to say it, but then another question came to mind. "Didn't she tell you?"

"No…Blair's out by the pool. I thought I'd give her some space; she seemed pretty upset." Serena looked at Chuck, her navy eyes even more questioning than before. He had no choice but to explain the whole thing.

* * *

Blair sat out by the house's private pool, lounging on a deck chair. She was fully clothed and she was wearing sunglasses, so her tan would be uneven, but she honestly didn't care. She needed something to cover her eyes, tired and red from sobbing uncontrollably all afternoon, all alone.

She couldn't believe _he _would be horrible enough to say those things. It was the truth, and she hadn't at the time, but she definitely felt terrible about it now. But to choose _this _moment to unleash years of pent-up frustration and anger…well, that wasn't right on his part. _Especially _not after what he'd done to her.

* * *

Serena was in a rage.

"WHAT THE HELL, CHUCK?" she shouted for the second time that day, her voice echoing off the glossy white tiles covering the walls of the bathroom. "WHAT THE HELL?"

Chuck sighed. He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it when she silenced him with a death glare almost as bad as Blair's. He winced. _Blair_.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT, CHUCK? AFTER WHAT YOU'D ALREADY DONE??" Serena was out of breath. "I CAN'T _BELIEVE _YOU."

"Serena!" he said in a voice only a little louder than a conversational tone. Normally he would have yelled a lot louder, but it made him dizzy. And besides, this wasn't a normal situation. _Normal _Chuck didn't collapse on bathroom floors. _Normal _Chuck didn't sit like a stupid mute while someone yelled at him. _Normal _Chuck didn't feel weak or dizzy, or get sick because of a girl and cry in front of her best friend. Yep, this definitely wasn't normal. "I snapped, okay? I couldn't take it anymore. She started talking about giving me chances, and how I'd ruined all of them. I couldn't takeit anymore," he repeated. Chuck tilted his head upward, trying to force the tears back. It didn't work, and they glistened at the corners of his eyes once again.

Serena seemed to see now that her yelling wasn't making anything better, so she resumed her spot next to Chuck and listened.

"Every time she went back to Nate, she thought nothing of it. I would do so much for her, and then she would just leave me in the dark, make me pretend whatever happened never did. And as little as her-" he gulped "-first time meant to her, for me, it was…" _The most amazing night of my life, _he thought. "…The most amazing night of my life," he concluded. Chuck was shocked by his words. "Did I just say that out loud?"

Serena nodded wordlessly.

Chuck shook his head and mumbled something that sounded vaguely like, "Shit."

"Are you going to tell me more, or are you just going to stop there?"

Chuck had been expecting Serena to yell some more, so when her voice came out evenly, he was relieved. Then he immediately felt stupid for being relieved. _Chuck Bass_ could take anyone in a fight. But _Chuck _couldn't, not now.

Chuck sighed before continuing. "And every time it just got worse and worse. Until…the night of the debutante ball, I saw them kissing, and then going into an empty bedroom…together." Usually he would have made some sort of pervy comment already, but he really wasn't in the mood. "Just a few minutes before that, Blair told me what was going on between us, you know, the-"

Serena nodded quickly. "I don't need to know more," she said with a small laugh. "This is weird enough already."

"Well she told me it had to end. She told me I disgusted her and that we could never work." He bit his lip at the memory, willing himself not to cry again, like some prissy wuss of a guy. He took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "And seeing them together…I don't know. It hurt." Chuck knew "hurt" didn't even begin to cover the amount of pain he'd felt that night, but he couldn't seem to elaborate more.

"I can imagine."

"So…today I just kind of exploded. You know? Things I'd been holding back, I should have _kept _holding back, it just started coming out of my mouth, and-"

"You got sick?" Serena finished, raising her eyebrows, and Chuck looked at her, shaking his head.

"That's not even what I was talking about, van der Woodsen. But yes, actually, yes. Chuck Bass, sick over a girl." He curled his hands into fists and pushed them into the hard tile of the floor. "Pigs are flying. You happy now?'

A smile twitched at the corners of Serena's mouth. "Pigs are _flying_? You really couldn't come up with anything better than that?"

Chuck continued staring at the ground. "Short notice."

Serena laughed a little, but wasn't surprised when Chuck didn't even crack a smile. "Listen, you two have all summer to work things out. You both have done a lot of things to be ashamed of, and what was the original problem-" she pointedly eyed Chuck "-doesn't seem like it's really the biggest one."

Chuck nodded, feeling slightly lame for listening to her, but he was grateful nonetheless. As crazy as Serena was, she actually gave pretty damn good advice. "Thanks, van der Woodsen."

"And…while we're having this conversation…are you sure you're okay? You look really pale." Was it just his imagination, or did Serena actually sound _worried_? Pigs really must have been flying.

"Gee, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you cared, _sis_."

Serena rolled her eyes at the nickname and at his accusation.

"But…" Chuck sighed as he finally managed to stand up shakily. "I don't know. I think I'm going to go lie down." Although he _was _tired and he still felt sort of sick to his stomach, he sort of just wanted Serena to go away. He needed time to think.

Serena nodded. "Well, we're going to be downstairs, having dinner, so when you feel better, come down to meet us."

Chuck blinked and gave Serena the smallest of nods. As she walked out the door and he trudged after her, back to his own bedroom, he was left alone with nothing but his thoughts. Not actually what he'd wanted after all.

**_The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right, C?_  
**

* * *

** Author's Note: **Gossip Girl definitely wouldn't say that last line...but...too bad. I hope you liked it, as cheesy and unbelieveably unrealistic as it was :)


	6. Confused

**Title:** Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count:** Roughly 15,266

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers:** All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary:** Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer:** All Gossip Girl plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **Sorry it took so long to get this one out. I had film camp all last week and I've been busy this weekend (mostly seeing movies, but whatever. lol). Sorry this chapter is so short, they just seem to be getting shorter and shorter, and sorry it's so boring, with almost no Chuck :( but I promise more in the next chapter. This is the second to last chapter, so this story is drawing to a close. It will probably have a pretty predictable ending, 'cause it's a pretty predictable story, but, again, whatever. This is sort of the chapter that ties up things so that they can conclude in the next chapter. Will there be a happy ending? You'll have to wait and see. Enjoy!

* * *

Serena made her way down the long staircase to the bottom floor of the house, and headed into the dining room, where her mother had said to meet for dinner. Her mother, Lily, Bart, her brother, Eric, and Blair were all already sitting around the table.

Lily and Bart were dressed in light summery clothes, Eric's hair was slicked back from his forehead in a way that made him look like a '60s dance contestant, and Blair had changed into a sundress and fixed her hair, but she was wearing big black sunglasses that covered her eyes. Chuck was missing, obviously. Serena sighed. She had to talk to Blair.

She sat down next to Eric, pulling her napkin into her lap and staring down at the food on her plate.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I thought I asked you to go get Charles."

Serena sighed. "He's not feeling well." She glanced at Blair, whose head had practically shot up at Chuck's name. She lowered it, realizing Serena had seen her.

Lily nodded. "Ah." Bart continued eating like he didn't give a damn. Serena rolled her eyes, the tiniest bit annoyed. What did her mother see in him, anyway?

_Well, maybe he's good in bed? **C** had to get it from __somewhere__…I don't know how I knew that._

Serena reached her foot under the table and kicked Blair in the shin, _hard_, like they were still in fifth grade at one of Blair's mother's boring charity functions. They would sit around the "kids" table, drinking sparkling water out of champagne glasses and attempting to play footsie with the boys they liked.

Blair's head shot up once again. Serena was pretty sure she was glaring at her, but she couldn't tell because the sunglasses pretty much covered half her face.

"We need to talk," Serena mouthed. "Now."

* * *

"What _is _it?" Blair wretched her arm away from Serena's death grip as she pulled her out of the dining room, down the hall, through the glass double doors and onto the wide porch.

"I told you. We need to talk. And I think you know what it's about." Serena looked down at her sternly with her blue eyes narrowed, and Blair looked up in defiance. Serena couldn't tell _her _what to do! She was Blair Waldorf, for God's sake.

"I don't want to talk about Chuck." Blair shook her head like an impatient toddler and plopped down on one of the benches.

"Blair…" Serena's voice softened. "Chuck is…"

"An asshole? Yes, yes he is." Blair folded her arms across her chest. "Serena, I'm not going to talk about it, okay?"

"Blair!"

Blair still shook her head.

"Fine. You know what, fine. Just listen, then." Serena sat on a bench opposite Blair and put her elbows on her knees, leaning forward like she was ready for an intense conversation.

Blair didn't say anything, just blinked with her big brown doe eyes and waited for Serena to explain.

"Blair, he cares. You obviously don't think so, but he really does. The only reason he said those things today was because he snapped. He was tired of being the one to take all the blame for everything. And, honestly, I think he's right." Serena bit her cherry Chapstick-covered lip, expecting Blair to pounce on her.

Blair was seething inside, but something made her want to keep listening. She kept her voice level as she replied: "And?"

"And…" Serena sighed. "He told me that every you went back to Nate, it basically broke his heart. He's in love with you, Blair. I can see it in his eyes. And even though-" she made a face "-he _is _my pervy stepbrother, and he _is _Chuck Bass…I think he deserves another chance."

Blair's eyes hardened. "I _gave _him another chance! Do you know how many chances I've given him to-"

"Do you know how many chances he's given you?"

"What?" Blair's voice came out in almost a whisper.

"Every time you needed him, he was there, and then you just threw him away when Nate wanted you back. He took it all in stride and _still _kept being there for you. And today…" Serena's heart sunk at the memory. "Blair…you should have seen him. He got sick over you. I found him in the bathroom, crying."

On a normal day, Blair would have rolled her eyes, but now she widened them in surprise. "He got sick over me? He was _crying_?" That was impossible. Chuck Bass didn't get sick over girls, and he certainly didn't cry.

Serena nodded. "He'll be able to explain everything, Blair. Just…" she sighed again. "Just go see him, okay? It'll make him feel better. And just…give him a chance to explain, then judge. It might surprise you." She smiled. "It definitely surprised me."

Blair furrowed her perfectly shaped eyebrows in confusion. "Why can't _you_ just tell me?"

"Because you need to hear it from him. Blair, just trust me, okay? I'm your best friend. I would never tell you something if I didn't think it was true."

Blair sighed, weighing the options in her mind. She was still angry at Chuck, definitely, but Serena's little "talk" had made her feel sort of bad for not giving him a chance. And, as much as she hated to admit it…she kind of…needed him. He made her feel good about herself, and Serena was right. He was always there. She sighed again. Maybe she wasn't being fair. She couldn't believe herself. Blair Waldorf? _Fair? _But she couldn't help it. The feeling that he might love her…she didn't know, but she might…love him too?

The thought shocked Blair and she almost fell off the bench, but she straightened up and regained composure, trying to force the thoughts from her head until she knew for sure how _he _felt. She didn't want to end up in the same position she'd been in with Nate for over a year, _again_.

"All right, fine. I'll go see him." Blair stood up. "Thanks, Serena." She pulled her best friend into a hug, and Serena smiled over Blair's shoulder.

"I hope things work out between you guys."

Blair smiled a little. "You know what, I hope they do too."

* * *

Blair stood in front of the full-length mirror in her bathroom, examining her outfit. A short white cotton dress-probably meant to be a shirt-showed off her long legs, and her hair was curled into perfect ringlets that fell past her shoulders. They were held in place by a pale pink satin headband with a bow. Chuck had given it to her for Christmas, even though they hadn't been together or even friends then. The package had arrived on Christmas night, with a note that only said, _Another one to add to your collection… -C_. Blair guessed it was supposed to be sort of a peace offering, but she hadn't cared at the time and had thrown the headband in the back of a drawer. She hadn't even worn it until now.

Blair shook the memories from her head. Chuck probably didn't even remember giving her the headband. He was forgetful like that.

She sorted through her makeup, pulling out tube after tube of lipstick; first pale pink, then slightly darker, then a peach, and finally, the ruby red, Chuck's favorite. Trying not to think about his lips on hers, she put on a layer of the lipstick and stared into the mirror one last time before stepping out of the bathroom and turning off the lights.

Uncharacteristically nervous, Blair rehearsed her little speech over and over in her head, but she kept messing up, and all she could think of to say to Chuck was, "I'm sorry for judging you," which sounded like a line out of a corny Disney movie.

Blair paused in front of the door and grit her teeth. This was it. Do or die. She grabbed the glass knob, turned it, and flung open the glossy white-painted door only to see _Chuck _standing outside, face pale and hair disheveled, exactly three red roses in his hands.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well, there's chapter six. Boring, I know, but pretty please review?? I hardly got any reviews on my last chapter, and I'm feeling unloved :( Actually, I'm probably spoiled, because I got a lot until last time, but too bad. Thanks for reading, though, everyone. :D


	7. Forgiveness

**Title: **Feelings of Betrayal

**Word Count:** Roughly 15,266

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and mature themes

**Warnings/Spoilers:** All of season 1 and minor season 2

**Summary:** Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

**Official Disclaimer: **All Gossip Girl plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

**Author's Note: **Guysssss!! This is it! The last chapter. I, for one, am very sad. As, I'm sure you can see. (lol). No, but really, I wanted to get this chapter up so you guys can see how it ends. I'm sad to be done with this, but I have lots of other ideas for one-shots and a Blair-centric fic soon. I also want to do a Chuck-centric one, all though it might not happen for a few months. But I have NO ideas for that that haven't been done before, so if you have any, feel free to tell me in a review or PM me :) So, anyway, this is the end of 'Feelings of Betrayal.' It's very OOC. Hope you can handle the fluff :)

* * *

_Blair grabbed the glass knob, turned it, and flung open the glossy white-painted door only to see _Chuck_ standing outside, face pale and hair disheveled, exactly three red roses in his hands._

"Blair…" Chuck's voice trailed off as he looked down at her, seeing a mixture of surprise and sadness in her dark eyes.

"Chuck." Blair didn't utter Chuck's name in an angry growl like she would have before. She just simply said it, her eyes searching him, waiting for him to do something, to make a move.

They stood looking at each other for a long moment, and then Chuck stepped forever and wrapped his arms around Blair, enveloping her into a hug. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in her ear. Blair didn't say anything, just rested her head on his shoulder and remembered how good it felt to be in his arms.

Finally they pulled apart and Chuck held out the roses, all perfectly trimmed to be exactly the same length by the florist. He knew Blair was obsessive about things like that, and he wanted to get everything perfect.

With a small smile, Blair took them. Chuck looked down and then raised only his eyes to gauge her reaction. "These are to replace the ones I was going to give you on the plane," he said softly, not even worrying about how fucking lovey-dovey and romantic he sounded. He didn't give a shit anymore.

Blair looked down at the beautiful roses in her hands. Chuck knew her well enough to get the red ones. Nate had always gotten her pink, and she'd hated it, because red was supposed to mean true love. Pink meant nothing to her, besides, well…pink. "Why three?" she asked, unable to hold back her smile. She couldn't control the amazing rush of feelings surging through her every time she looked at him.

Chuck shrugged a little, embarrassed. "I don't know. A whole bouquet seemed too corny, and one just seemed like not enough." He raised one corner of his mouth in a little crooked smile that Blair just couldn't help smiling back at as she pictured him standing in flower shop, debating on how many roses would be "enough." That was just so un-Chuck-like, and completely adorable.

Blair reached out to take Chuck's hand, and his entire stomach felt like it was full of fluttering. _Butterflies. _She led him over to her bed and they sat down on her folded silk duvet at the end. Chuck cautiously reached out an arm and put it around her shoulders. He half expected her to slap him or push him out of the way, but instead she scooted closer to him, her soft brown curls brushing his cheek.

Chuck looked down at her outfit to realize how fucking gorgeous she looked. She was already all tan, and her dress barely covered her thighs. But unlike with any other girl, he didn't have the urge to immediately rip it off. Well, he did, but he could think of better things to do. Like just sit and hold Blair like he always used to before things got so messed up.

"Chuck?" Blair twisted her head to look up at him, and his heart jumped "Why…why did you do…it?" She swallowed hard. "I thought maybe things would be different this time."

Chuck sighed, his heart starting to beat too fast. He hoped Blair couldn't hear it almost pounding out of his chest. "It's just…my dad had to pick that moment to give me a speech on growing up and responsibility and faithfulness, and I just…don't want that."

Blair lifted her head and looked at him, surprised and a little hurt. But she'd thought that he wanted to be with her. _Only _her.

Chuck hurried to fix his mistake. "No, Blair, it's not like that. I want to be with you. I…I always have."

He had to take a deep breath after the words left his mouth. He was trying not to be so fucking mushy, but the puppy-dog look in Blair's doe eyes made him feel way more romantic than he'd ever own up to, even to her.

"But I don't want to change who I am. I mean, giving up all the women, the drugs, you know, the partying…fine. Whatever. You mean way more to me than any of those things ever would. It's just…you know…" He struggled to find the right words to admit something he never would have said out loud to anyone else, not even Nathaniel. He'd hardly admitted it to himself.

"You know…" Chuck repeated. "With everything…" He tried to regain is composure, despite being embarrassed out of his mind. "Look, Blair, my father always wants me to do this and that and be more like him, all buttoned-up and all business all the time." Chuck looked down at his shoes, still resting on Blair's soft white rug. "He never really believes in me about anything. Who I am is basically all I've got to…to keep from becoming like him."

He paused again before continuing. "I wasn't thinking at all. My whole head was…fucking messed up." He gave a shaky sigh, running his free hand through his already messy hair. "All I wanted to do was prove him wrong, and Blair, you have to believe me."

Chuck's tone of voice made him sound like he was…_begging_? No. Chuck Bass didn't beg…unless he needed something. Badly. In this case, Blair's forgiveness was at the top of his list.

"After it, I realized I couldn't _stop _thinking. And only about you." Chuck's voice cracked as he neared the end of his impromptu speech. "What I did…it was the biggest mistake of my life. And you know I've made some pretty big mistakes." He smiled wryly. "In some ways, I thought it would be better. You know, after all the stuff you've been through with Nate. I didn't want to let you down more. But I feel damn stupid about it now, because I did the same thing he did." Chuck looked at Blair through half-closed eyes, the pain in them hard to conceal.

Blair pressed her face into the fabric of his white suit jacket (_Hey_, she thought strangely and randomly, _we kind of match_). Her voice was muffled as she spoke. "Nate was supposed to my prince," she said, almost shaking her head at how stupid that sounded, how wrong she'd been. "He was the one I was always supposed to be with. I was supposed to get his mother's family ring. We were supposed to get married, and have kids, and live happily ever after." She sniffled. "I guess that's what kept me going back to him, even after everything. Even after…us."

Chuck smirked, feeling some of his energy rushing back to him. "You mean, that amazing night in the limo when my hands were all over your-"

"Chuck!" Blair looked up at him with a mixture of angry shock and relieved surprise in her eyes. He snorted and the two of them broke into laughter. It felt good to laugh, like they were letting everything out.

When the laughter died down, Blair became serious again. "I think I was sort of delusional." She bit her lip and looked up at Chuck, expecting him to start laughing again. But he just continued to watch her, understanding in his normally cold brown eyes. "I didn't realize how much it…hurt you."

Blair suddenly felt nervous as she looked at him. There was something dancing in her stomach. Could it be…butterflies? For Chuck _Bass_? Never. But she couldn't deny the tingling through her whole body as she murmured, "I'm sorry," and he laced the fingers of his free hand with hers before gazing back up at her, his face serious now.

"Blair, I won't be like that. I'm not going to plan our wedding while we're still in high school. I'm not going to force a ring on you. I'm not going to beg you to be with me because my parents need your family's support." He sighed. "But I can't be like that either. I can't promise that my father is going to love the idea of us together. I can't promise that no one at school will talk." His words caught in his throat as he said them, but it was best that Blair knew what she was getting herself into. "I can't promise to be that perfect guy." He lowered his voice. "But I can promise, and I will, that I will never, ever hurt you again."

Blair stared at him. His eyes were filled with sincerity. She'd never seen him look so innocent and hopeful, and as she looked at him, tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Are you okay?" Chuck was immediately worried. "Did I do something wrong?"

Blair shook her head and continued to sob into his chest. He wrapped both of his arms around her, holding her tightly as she cried. If it was anyone else, he would have no idea what to do with tears, but he'd been faced with a crying Blair so many times that he knew it was just best to sit there and let her let it out.

Blair finally looked back up at him. Tears were still running down her cheeks, and she sniffed and wiped them off with the back of her hand. "You may not be perfect, Bass," she said, her eyes glistening, "But you're perfect for me."

Chuck's heart _(Heart? No, you know I'm just joking, **C**)_ all but melted. Yes, he was using the most fucking cheesy expression he'd ever heard, but he couldn't help it. That was how he felt. He'd never been so happy in his entire life.

With Blair still wrapped in his arms, he reached up a hand to wipe the tears off her cheeks. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed the top of her head. Placing his lips on top of her glossy curls, he noticed something.

"Hey, that's the headband I gave you for Christmas, isn't it?" Chuck lightly touched the silky fabric covering it with his thumb.

Blair couldn't keep the smile off her face. He remembered!

Chuck leaned in close to her. "You know what the card should have said?" he asked softly.

Blair looked up at him questioningly as he held his breath.

"I love you," he whispered.

Now it was Blair's turn to melt. How long had she waited to hear those words from Nate? And here she was, sitting with Chuck, the last person in the world she ever would have expected to say them. What she was about to say next…she really meant it, with all of her heart.

"I love you too."

_Spotted: **C** and **B**, busy kissing and making up at his Hamptons house. We're glad to have you two back together…who else would cause all the drama and scandal here on the Upper East Side? **XOXO, Gossip Girl.**_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Just imagine a kiss after that last line. And another kiss. And then another one. And then...we all know what comes afterward :) Okay, I know it's silly, but I love, love, love CB fluff. It's just so...fluffy. And there's not nearly enough of it :( I guess that's what makes them Chuck and Blair, though. lol again. Anyway. Thank you guys so much for reading this. ILY for it. :D :D :D :D :D Yay! Again, thanks for reading and reviewing and everything. I never thought I'd get such a good response on my first fanfic. :D


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